Tip # 8 Rewarding Your Child

“My child loves stickers, so I started giving her a sticker whenever she did
something I wanted her to do.  But now, she refuses to be responsible unless
I tell her that she will get a sticker - even to dress up! I feel like she is holding
me hostage and will only do what I want her to do if she gets a sticker!  
What do I do?”

Many parents use stickers, charts and simply toys, extra dessert, etc. as incentives
for the child to do things.  There is nothing wrong with this practice, but a reward
should not be used for every little thing. These rewards should be used judiciously.  
We don’t want children to misbehave knowing that if they stop, they will be rewarded.
No one wants to be manipulated by a child!
If your child is always working for the reward, he won't learn the real reasons
for doing things -- that he should pick up his toys because family members pitch in.
Best bet: Reserve rewards for finite endeavors, such as potty training or going to
sleep without a fuss.  Avoid offering them for everyday things, such as dressing
himself or brushing his teeth.
You can talk to your child about the difference between doing things because they
are right or need to be done.  Things such as cleaning up toys or putting trash in the
garbage are doing things because they are the right thing to do.  Getting homework
done is another example.
But going the extra mile, like seeing Grandpa rake the leaves and your child pitching
in to help deserves a reward.  Babysitting the neighbor's dog deserves a reward.
We want our children to grow up to be responsible adults by doing what is asked of
them and what is the right thing to do.  We don’t want kids growing up thinking that they
need to control others to get what they want and that the only times they will act wisely,
is if there is something in it for themselves.  Our society needs people who are more
altruistic than manipulative.

Tip #7 “My child gives me a problem every time I want her to do something different - what do I do?”

Tip # 7   

“My child gives me a problem every time I want her to do something different -
what do I do?”

This is a common situation both at school and at home for many of our young learners.  
They become so occupied in whatever they are doing, that they do not want to stop. They do
not have a concept of time yet, so even if you tell them for example, at 9:00 you
have a dentist appointment, they will not understand to be ready to go just before this.  
Here are some ways to help you adjust this time concept and help with
these transition times:

Give a Fair Warning   If your child “pitches a fit” whenever you announce it's time to
switch gears --whether that means shutting off the TV, stopping play to come to eat, or
leaving a friend's house -- it could be that you're not giving enough advance notice. "At
school we let kids know when transitions are coming so they have time to finish
whatever they're doing," observes Cohen-Dorfman. "If you need to leave the house
at 8:30 a.m., warn your child at 8:15 that she's five more minutes to play, they will have
to stop to put her toys away. Set a timer so she knows when the time is up."

Transition Signals  You could also train your child with a signal to let them know that
a change is about to come:  clap your hands, sing a song, play music, ring a chime.
Whatever you decide, allow your child time to understand and get used to this.  

Tip #6

Lighten up. If your child refuses to do something, try turning it into a game. "Humor and games are two great tools that parents sometimes forget about in the heat of the moment," says Zebooker. When her own son, now 13, was in preschool, she used to persuade him to put his shoes on in the morning by playing shoe store. "I would say, 'Welcome to Miss Mommy's Shoe Store, I've got the perfect pair for you to try on today,' and I'd speak in a silly accent and he loved it." (I've had luck using this strategy with Sophie, who used to clamp her mouth shut whenever I tried to brush her teeth. Now we play the "Let's Guess What You Ate Today" game -- and she willingly opens up so I can search her molars for cereal, strawberries, or mac and cheese.)

Want a boy to “hit” the toilet water and not miss, try floating a Cheerio in the water - what fun!  Want the kids to clean up their messy room? “Let’s pretend that all the toys want to be together - where should be put them?”  As a parent we should always maintain a sense of humor - it not only helps ease a sticky situation but can help build that close parent bond.  Remaining positive through laughter and games will give you one up to convince your youngster to do what you want them to do.

Who does like smiling and laughing a something funny and who does like play games.  Try these tools and you’ll be surprised at what you can accomplish!

Tip # 5 Praise is KEY!

 

Cooperation

Walk into almost any preschool class in the country, and you'll see
children sitting quietly in circles, forming orderly lines, raising their hands to
speak, passing out napkins and snacks.
The question is: How do teachers do it? How do they get a dozen or more
children under 4 to cooperate, willingly and happily?
While there's no secret formula, most say:
Praise is key - Try to catch them being good. Kids repeat behaviors that get
attention.  “I love the way…” “Look what a great job you did!”
Try rewards such as stickers, pennies, an ice cream treat at the end
of a week doing something you want them to accomplish.  
Look for ways to use praise to positively reinforce the behaviors
you want children to keep; ignore those behaviors you want extinguished.

 

Tip # 4

4. Let them solve simple problems. If you see your child trying to assemble a toy or get a book from a shelf that she can reach if she stands on her step stool, pause before racing over to help. "Provided that they are safe, those moments when you don't rush in, when you give children a moment to solve things for themselves, those are the character-building moments," says Zebooker. "It's natural to want to make everything perfect, but if we do, we cheat kids of the chance to experience success."

Think about all the thinking and actions that go into your child’s problem solving.  They decide what they need or want; find a way, or more than one way, to solve the problem and then enable themselves to attain the desired outcome.  This is the beginning of a lifelong mind set for problem solving! When they enter the school systems, they will need to solve many problems: socially, academically, physically, etc.

Allowing your child to begin to use independence until they ask for help will foster them to want to be more independent.  Isn’t it great to think that someday, when your youngster is ready for college or their first apartment, they will be ready to tackle these big leaps because you allowed the small leaps?

We’re on a roll! Tip #3

We’re on a roll!  Tip #3

 

3. Don't redo what they've done. If your child makes her bed, resist the urge to smooth
the blankets. If she dresses herself in stripes and polka dots, compliment her
"eclectic" style. Unless absolutely necessary, don't fix what your child accomplishes,
says Kathy Buss, director of the Weekday Nursery School, in Morrisville, Pennsylvania.
She will notice and it may discourage her.

When children begin to show their independence, they do what they think is the perfect job!  
Continue to encourage this independence with praise and other easy “jobs” so they
can gain confidence.  Think about it - if you are trying to impress your boss and all you
get is being told to redo it, wouldn’t that make you feel like a failure?  
Or you might just want to give up! We don’t want our kids to give up; let them push forward.
The ultimate goal of any parent is to raise a child who will become self sufficient and
independent as an adult.  

Promoting Independence

Promoting Independence

While 3- and 4-year-olds still need plenty of parental help, preschool experts agree that kids are typically able to do more than many of us think. Here's how you can encourage them:

1. Expect more. Most people have a way of living up (or down) to expectations -- preschoolers included. "At school we expect the kids to pour their own water at snack, to throw away their plates, to hang up their jackets -- and they do," says Jennifer Zebooker, a teacher at the 92nd Street Y Nursery School, in New York City. "But then they'll walk out of the classroom and the thumb goes in the mouth and they climb into strollers." Raise the bar and your child will probably stretch to meet it.

In my own experience in the classroom, the more I expected of my first grade students, the more they surprised me by asking deeper questions in science or explaining in depth how they arrived at the answer to a math problem.  Using terms like, “You can do this” or “Let’s begin together and then I want you to finish” or “Go ahead and try first and then ask for help if you need it.” are great ways to encourage a child to become independence.

Education Coordinator's Corner Tip #2

TIP #2

2. Resist doing for her what she can do herself. While it may be quicker and easier to do it yourself, it won't help to make your child more self-sufficient. Quick hint: Appeal to her sense of pride, suggests Donna Jones, a preschool teacher at Southern Oregon University's Schneider Children's Center in Ashland, Oregon. "Whenever I'm trying to get kids to dress, put jackets on, sit on chairs during meals and so on, I'll ask them: 'Do you want me to help you or can you do it yourself?' Those words are like magic," promises Jones. "The kids always want to do it for themselves."

Children are very proud of what they accomplish so praise them often when they do.  They will reward you by wanting to do more themselves. This gives you a little more time for other things that you want to do!  By giving a child choices, they will choose one or the other most of the time instead of “mommy - you do it”. Lay out two different sets of clothing in the morning and tell them they can choose one or the other to wear - you can even get creative and say to them “surprise me!”  Even if they mix things up and wear pink socks on one foot and green on the other - so what! They dressed themselves without your help!

Until Next Week - Maria

Education Coordinator's Corner

Just for you:  

Hello - My name is Maria Duquette and I am the Education Coordinator at Joyful Noise, Inc.  I thought I would share some tips about parenting that you might find helpful. Please feel free to send me feedback through this blog so that a healthy discussion can take place.

My intention is to give some tips about once a week and I would love to hear from any of you if you have tried these tactics, if they have worked or didn’t work!

Note:  These were taken from a site called Parents.

TIP # 1

Promoting Independence

While 3- and 4-year-olds still need plenty of parental help, preschool experts agree that kids are typically able to do more than many of us think. Here's how you can encourage them:

1. Expect more. Most people have a way of living up (or down) to expectations -- preschoolers included. "At school we expect the kids to pour their own water at snack, to throw away their plates, to hang up their jackets -- and they do," says Jennifer Zebooker, a teacher at the 92nd Street Y Nursery School, in New York City. "But then they'll walk out of the classroom and the thumb goes in the mouth and they climb into strollers." Raise the bar and your child will probably stretch to meet it.

In my own experience in the classroom, the more I expected of my first grade students, the more they surprised me by asking deeper questions in science or explaining in depth how they arrived at the answer to a math problem.  Using terms like, “You can do this” or “Let’s begin together and then I want you to finish” or “Go ahead and try first and then ask for help if you need it.” are great ways to encourage a child to become independence.

Preschool Readiness: Doodle, Draw, Cut, and Paste

By Maggie Maguire
September 2014

Much of preschoolers' early writing skills are developed through the many arts and crafts projects they do throughout the day.  As preschoolers paint, draw, cut, stick, and glue they build strength in their hands and develop their fine motor skills, building the strength and skills required to hold and use pencils and pens. Additionally, preschoolers need lots of opportunities to express their ideas in writing and drawing because these activities build their early literacy and pre-reading skills.  And writing, especially during the preschool years, needs to be playful and FUN.

Here are 6 drawing, doodling, writing, and crafting activities you can do at home that build writing, early literacy, and fine motor skills.

1. Lots of drawing and scribbling: Those first pictures and scrawls across the page are an important first step in the writing process. When your child draws a picture or makes those adorable lines and squiggles, he is telling a story! Have your child talk to you about what he is drawing –he will be practicing putting his drawing into words, a first step to writing. Write down on a piece of paper what he tells you about his drawing and attach it to the bottom of the drawing when he is done.  Read his story back to him and proudly display it on the refrigerator or in another prominent place in the house. Let him know he has written and published a story!

2. Keep lots of different paper materials, notebooks, drawing pads, and drawing materials in an area where your little one can easily access them: Colored pencils, markers, pens, chalk, pastels – all different writing tools let little ones experiment as they begin to draw and write. For "greener options," try Magna Doodle or similar magnet writing/drawing boards and dry erase boards -- or make your own!

3. Try unexpected materials for writing fun: Squirt a small dollop of shaving cream onto your kitchen table or a vinyl placemat, and allow your child to practice her name, letters, numbers, etc. Make a mistake? No problem with shaving cream! Simply show your child how to smooth away the writing surface and start again! This is a great bathtub activity too! Finger paints let children combine art with writing practice. While your child won't gain practice with grip, she has the opportunity to work on letter formation and the ability to copy shapes and lines.  Sidewalk chalk is an excellent medium for writing practice. As you and your child decorate the driveway, not only can you talk about colors and shapes, but you can also encourage your child to practice name writing, as well as letter and number recognition.

4. Arts and crafts: The more your child draws, glues and paints, the stronger her hands will be. Preschoolers love to glue and cut anything from googly eyes and shapes to pictures from magazines.  Here's a fun cut-and-paste activity that's all about animals!

5. Write letters and cards: Your child can help you write a letter or card to someone. He can decorate it and help you decide what to write. He can even hold your hand as you write some of the words (particularly, his name) or add his own "note" or picture to a card you write. Or set up a pretend post-office at home with shoebox mailboxes for each family member!

6. Cut things! Guide your child in cutting out different shapes from paper, felt, or other materials. He can also cut objects such as plastic straws or lines on wrapping paper or pictures from a magazine. The cutting doesn't have to be perfect -- it's just exercise for her hand!